There is a lot of self doubt in my life and constant second guessing, but that's just the thing, I've always allowed myself to doubt everything and all intentions of my life. Because of this, I can honestly say, that I haven't always enjoyed life and that realization made me decide to change everything.
The way I thought, acted, cared, loved and embraced life. For many years I tried to please everyone, but let's face that, you can't make everyone happy and in the end it made me miserable to constantly feel like I had to be on point for everyone in my life. The best I could ever do was pretend things were great, when really all I wanted to do was scream.
In retrospect, I suppose I relied too much on people to need me, rather then focus on what I needed. Knowing what you need and what others need are two completely different things. It's hard to separate them if you don't exactly know...
This became my new focus. Following the prompts of what I needed and making sure I took care of that first before pleasing everyone else. It may seem selfish and that's because it is, but in todays every stressful world, we need to be selfish. We need to learn to self care and love ourselves before we can allow others. I relied too much on hoping that others would pick up on my feelings and offer help and expecting them to know, rather than speaking out or expressing them. The thing is, no one knows unless you tell them. I could stare at my husband all day long with the same dopey expression, but he's not going to pick up on it. Just like, you could say you're fine, when you're not and expect the person that asked you to push you further because fine isn't an acceptable answer. And why do you need to rely on that person queuing into your needs?
You don't.
Just like it's not your responsibility to figure out every persons emotions. Let's face it, people are hard to read and to be frank, most of the time trying is exhausting, but if we were to take that time we spend trying to figure someone else out and focus on ourselves, we could be a lot happier--and once your happier with yourself, you can focus on the happiness of others, but again, it's not your responsibility to make others happy, just as it's not theirs to you.
Find something that you enjoy, that relaxes all tension. It can be anything from a long walk, to sitting in the park watching birds, to cursing the selves of the library. Maybe a soak in the tub or a glass of vino as you want the sunset from your backyard. Whatever it is, incorporate that into your life on a daily. Make one thing your priority and make time for it. Make time to do something that you love, something that is just for you. It doesn't have to take all day, maybe just 10 minutes tops, but once you discover something you love and make it your own, the more you can realize that your happiness is relied only on you. Take time to love those around you, but take time to love yourself too. Stop trying to make everyone happy, and maybe, just maybe, make it all about you.
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